Before a deployment or training mission, your spouse has a sense of “mission.” It is an extremely busy time and there are many preparations to make both in his or her military and civilian life. Emotions run a broad spectrum between high and low. Then there is goodbye. Goodbye has conflicting meanings of “Be safe,” “Will I ever see you again?” “Will you miss me?” “How will you manage without me?” and “What will this (separation and deployment) be like?”
 
During separation due to military service, your mate is a full-time service member serving his or her country. That is his or her main mission and focus. He or she may have a sense of international significance. He or she will build strong bonds and friendships through the teamwork of the mission. It will probably be a milestone in both his or her personal and military life. 
 
Returning home is a mixture of extreme happiness and apprehension. Your partner may have dreams and a concept of the perfect homecoming. He or she is excited to see family and friends and tell them about the deployment experiences. He or she is ready to return to the routine civilian life in the community with his or her family. 
 
Once he or she returns to his or her civilian position, his or her job may be entirely different. Although law protects your spouse’s employment rights, his or her employer may change your spouse’s responsibilities and status. There will probably be new employees and work processes to adjust to since he or she left. Colleagues and peers may or may not be interested in hearing about the deployment.
 
At home, the family has changed. The children are older. New family routines may have been established. There may be new family friends. Role adjustment is the most significant element to adapt to at home. Things are different than they were before the deployment. 
 
What are the best ways to help your spouse adjust to the changes? Think and act positively. Praise your spouse, and praise the children. A positive attitude is contagious. Negotiate your “new roles.” Flexibility and compromise can go a long way in meeting everyone’s needs.
 
Make time for all the important people in your life, especially your children and extended family. Thank your support group. Many others—family, neighbors, teachers and members of your religious community have been there for your family. Let them know you appreciate and value their contributions.
 
Be patient with the adjustment process. You did not change overnight when your spouse was gone. Do not expect the adjustment phase to happen immediately. 
 
Support the positive changes in your family and acknowledge ways to make improvements. Do not be surprised by tension or irritability. It is very normal—and it’s OK. Expect unusual feelings and questions such as, “Where do I fit in?” Use active listening and communicate openly with your spouse or partner, your children and your friends. Seek help from professionals when you need it. Share your experiences and ideas with others in the unit and family readiness group.
 

Source: Guard & Reserve Family Readiness Programs Toolkit